I'd like to see...

There are a lot of things I'd like to see. I'd like to see places that I've never saw before with my own eyes. I'd like to see more rainbows and graphic design artists. I'd like to see more creativity and optimism in this world and less pessimism and close mindedness. What about ambition to do the things you dreamed of doing?

  Remember when you were a child and you were asked what you want to be when you grow up? Would you still have the drive to get to that occupation or have you changed your mind about what you've wanted to do a thousand and one times? I don't even remember my initial answer to that question! I'd like to see more people making themselves what they've dreamed of being. It's kind of bittersweet when girls don't get to be real princesses though.

  I'd like to see less racism, neglect and bullying and more of standing up to opposition. Be an advocate, not the one that harms others. I'd like to see more women in well-fitted brassieres and not hanging out all over the place. Why do women want a nasty perverted guy? If he was really into you then maybe he'd take you on dates and try to not stare at your rack!

  I'd like to see a female president during my lifetime. I know some may not like this idea, however, many women in history were great. I could give a whole list of females throughout history, but that would take a whole post up. We have had so many presidents already so why not add a female to the list? I hate to see women downgraded and told they are less worthy. That needs to change too.

  This world needs change and I'd like to see that happen. Maybe some of it will happen in my lifetime and maybe some in the next. Who knows? Until then, what have you done today that has impacted someone in a positive way? What can you do that can move mountains and contribute to a greater global society?

Bucket List!

1. Be alive, live and stay healthy
2. Be a great mom 
3. Breastfeed son till 18 months- 2 years and if he still shows interest then pump for the cup
4. Get regular therapy
5. Get my license 
6. Get a vehicle
7. Get fit financially 
8. Get out of Pennsylvania for good
9. Travel to England, Scotland, Finland, Germany, and any other place where my ancestors are from
10. Meet up with friends that live far away
11. Meditate more and stress less
12. Give my kids the best life I can give them
13. Send my kids off to college
14. Get a degree myself

So there's at least 14 things on my bucket list already and should I think of anything else I will update this post. 

Just breathe

Banner!

Hello everyone, as you can see I have made a banner for my blog. I hope you enjoy it. It is the official banner of Magnificent Thoughts for my Wordpress, Tumblr and this blog. Have a peaceful and pleasant night everyone and sleep well. Sweet dreams. And no sweets before bed, they'll give you nightmares.

Pugsley died?!

Yes, its true, the actor who portrayed Pugsley from the hit Addams Family has passed away at almost 60. One year shy of hitting a decade age, he suffered a heart attack. He was at his home when the heart attack occured said TMZ. His fans are lucky, though, being that there will be two funerals. One will be for fans and one for family.

Its so sad when someone as talented as Ken Weatherwax, who portrayed Pugsley, dies. I feel so bad for his family and am among the grieving fans. May he rest in peace tonight and forevermore. He was a great actor and will be missed. Now for a moment of silence in honor of such talent and a wonderful soul...

...Rest in peace, Ken.

#3, #2, #1...Happy Birthday to me!

  Yesterday was my birthday! I didn't get to writing a post because of being busy all day. Other days I didn't write because I was so sick with a stomach bug and headache. It is my sincerest apologies that I haven't been writing recently. For the past multiple days I will give everybody an update on what's going on in my family and a clue into my personal life. 

December started off a little shaky for my family. We had new tablets and were all getting pumped up for my birthday and the upcoming Yule. Everybody just says Christmas in this house though and I've just kind of gotten used to it. Anyway, as the days passed I figured out I was getting sick and feverish. I just didn't want to feel gross and icky on my 20th birthday! 

When my birthday came I felt great. My father sent me a card with a little letter written on the side of it and two stamps inside. He says he has an item for me but he wants to verify our address. This is the schizophrenic tendencies in him and I've honestly have gotten used to this by now. Irregardless, I love my dad and have accepted him for who he is, not based on his illnesses. 

So far I've gotten $20 in singles and am going to be getting $50 in the mail on a gift card. That's $70 alone. Then to add to that I will be getting $27 in the mail from Inbox Dollars in which I've painstakingly done surveys and other things on the site for. So altogether that's almost $100! In addition to money I have received a beautiful necklace from my daughter and a beautiful wallet. 

On the flip side the tablet that I got early has already malfunctioned and is going back to Wal-Mart this Tuesday. I am so disappointed in RCA now. Not only has mine been faulty but two more that were ordered are too! That's not where that ends though. Multiple people from multiple websites are disappointed with these tablets and are out getting better ones. There have even been complaints saying that the batteries blow up like popcorn bags. 

Now isn't that scary? I would certainly think so! What if someone was on their tablet and it blew up? I hear a law suit coming from a situation like that. If I were RCA I would get my act together before everyone leaves their products and the company goes down the tubes. 

But that's just my personal opinion on that. I'm sure that they are starting to realize that a lot of people are having complaints and its only a matter of time. As for me I will be getting a Kocaso tablet soon and hopefully that lasts more than a mere two weeks tops. I hope that tablet lasts me years. Well, its almost time for dinner. Have a good night everyone. 

  

B-day Countdown #7, #6, #5 & #4

Good morning everyone. Sorry I'm late on this post. I've been feeling really bad lately. I figured I would post a picture for those days missed. I still have to figure what I want for my birthday treat too. 

I might just go with a pumpkin pie this year instead of cake or cupcakes like I did last year. There's only three more days to decide! And don't mind the no makeup in my pic above. I figured I would take a quick shot while making breakfast. 

I have some not so good news about my mom though. Due to her mental health she's been admitted to Clark's summit state hospital. To make things even worse she's been there for two months! I just really hope she is okay. I haven't seen her in over a year. 

Well, I hope everyone is doing well and is healthy and happy. Have a great day. Now for some coffee! ☕ 😄

B-day Countdown #11' #10, #9 and #8

Hey everyone, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone is having a happy holiday and countimg their blessings. I have been busy lately and that is why this is coming so late. I give sincere apologies for my absense.

For day 11 I am going to write about years 15 to present. These years I remember well. It was also a time for change and for self discovery. It put an end to a bad relationship as well. I am grateful I finally was able to leaern from that, though.

From 16 I got pregnant with my oldest, my daughter. I am extremely grateful to her. She taught me about what being an adult is all about. From the moment in which I found out I was pregnant with her I knew what real true love was and felt it in its entirety. I love my spunky and sassy girl so much, even when she's off having a tantrum.

Months after she was born my mom, myself and my daughter moved. She got her first resperatory infection at the same time she got her first ear infection. That was at around 4 months old. Then we moved again about a month after that. At that location we were there for until she was almost 2.

I also found out I was pregnant again when my daughter was young. She was 15 months when I got pregnant with my son. She was still breastfeeding and didn't self wean til she was around 20 months. I calk my son the little daredevil sometimes because he tried to come early which resulted in 3 months of bedrest. Then my guy moved in and my mom went and left. She didn't even leave our food stamp card like she did all the other times.

We ended up getting evicted when I was 9 months pregnant. My cousin and her family payed for a hotal after less than a week at my aunts (the house where I grew up.) During that week at the hotel we had to walk to get groceries since we got on welfare again. It was then that I started to go into labor. I went into labor on my own at 39 weeks. I went into labor at 38 weeks with my daughter.

We have been at my guys parents house for a year and 2 months now. My daughter is 3 and my son is 1. They even have the same birthday, different years. My babies are what I'm super thankful for! I'm also thankful we're not homeless. I'm thankful for everyone that has given my babies clothes and food and attention.

Hopefully we'll be out of here soon, though. Hopefully I will have a fantastic 20th year. I'll be enjoying these official last days of my teen years. They went by way too fast. Its honestly bittersweet for me and I know that I will do my best.

Goodnight and happy Thanksgiving! 🍗☕

B-day post #12

  Today is about years 10-15. These years were pretty drama filled. I was enjoying the last bits of my real childhood but at the same time dealing with reality. My body was metamorphosing and I educated myself about that vigorously. I even had my purse prepared just in case of that day.
  I also had my first serious relationship (at least it was to me.) It lasted all of 7 months before I called it quits because of a joke my ex made. It touched a nerve and a red flag warning. We didn't really talk after that. It was pretty awkward although it made me a bit chronically depressed some years later and it did stop my rapist once and for all.
  A year later at 13 I got my first menses. I was at my Aunt Marsha's when it happened. And what a timing it came at! I was at a family reunion watching Sharkboy and Lavagirl with my cousin. It was a good thing that I was prepared, eh? I honestly thought I might have peed myself that day, but instead I got the shock of a lifetime!
  I was glad I was a woman officially. That meant that the douche that was humiliating me would stop. I still think that's why he stopped for good. But once I realized what molesting and rape were I got really really depressed and started self-mutilating. It lasted for a while and now I'm all messed up with chronic depression which went into post-partum depression later on, PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder. (Sheesh!)
  When I was 14 I went to the mental hospital because my vice-principal found out about the cutting. After that my school wouldn't accept me back unless I completed the 8th grade in a partial hospitalization program, so I went. Then I met my ex there and we lasted about 5 years. He put me through hell and he is just no good. But that's all for now. Tomorrow will be from 15-current. :) See you then!

B-day Countdown #13

Well, there's less than two weeks til my birthday. Soon I will be on my new tablet with a keyboard instead of this desktop with vista. I mean, who uses vista still and is completely happy with it?

Here is the next 5 years of my life.

From 5-10 years old my cousin was born. No longer was I the only child in the household. And I was jealous. I was very very jealous. All I knew was I needed the attention I used to get and I wasn't going to stand another kid getting in my way of it.

I started to suffer at school and I would only look forward to seeing my friends there. Some of the schoolwork clicked and others not so much. In fourth grade we took a field trip, however. I started to like school again and I also learned to appreciate coal. There was just nothing like a Pennsylvania coal mine.

I also had all my friends. We would all sit together and gossip and compare lip glosses. I made some friends back then that really impacted my life for the long run. I'm glad to say that those friends are still friends with me. Most people don't get to have that long of friendships and a couple of them have kids like I do.

So kudos to those friends. Thank you for keeping tabs with me. I know we don't talk all the time like we used to, but that's okay. As long as we support each other, that's all that matters. Unfortunately, that's only the good side.

When I was 7 my aunt's boyfriend started to molest me. I didn't know what was going on and I'd shake it off and try to ignore it. He'd try to groom me as best as he possibly could. I didn't know it was wrong; I thought that it was normal like he said it was. I didn't even know it'd get worse and that it wouldn't stop till I was 12.

After a while he started to rape me along with continuing to molest me. I didn't really know I was depressed. I thought those feelings were normal and that I could just push them away like I did. I also didn't know what anything was called. Nobody told me what raping and molesting was, despite the fact that it also happened to me while I was a young child from a family member.

I won't go into that, though. I find it more easy to push that away because it happened so long ago that I don't remember it. Anyway, I have to go put the little munchkin to bed so I will go more into how this was resolved tomorrow. Thank you for reading! Sweet dreams everyone. <3